We're just all sitting in an internet cafe as the last of four hours we decided to spend together letting each of us in turn be in charge. Today, R & M decided, we would choose things that we wanted to do individually and the others were to cooperate and hang out with us - tomorrow or the next day we'll each have an hour to lead all of us to all have a good time one way or another.
This came about after a big row this morning. I think Heather and I had both decided not to back down on having some things right, and although we tried to keep thinking, it was a bit messy - some shouting and H and I both stormed off at different points.
In the end, sitting in a cafe for breakfast we agreed to keep talking till we'd sorted things out without any storming out; that we would carry on till we were finished, even if we had to stop and start again tomorrow; that we wouldn't interrupt each other, and that we should all talk for about the same amount of time. I mentioned things I thought were bothering people: should we go home sooner? was there anything to get up for in the morning? were we wasting the opportunities of this whole trip?
Rosa kicked off, then Melissa: it worked ten times better than I'd hoped - R & M were clear they didn't want to go home (which reassures me & H!); we talked about how we couldn't get away from each other and although that was part of the point of the trip we would have to treat each other well for it to work well; people talked a bit about things they wanted to do or not to do; we talked about getting a balance between challenging ourselves and each other and treating each other and ourselves kindly; etc. R & M came up with the four hours today, four hours tomorrow thing - Rosa says we have to review the situation (in the same way, I guess) tomorrow, too. By the end we all looked like we liked each other again, and were keen to get on with our four hour-long experiments.
So today's plan was for us each to have the others back us up to do something we individually wanted to do for an hour. Next time we'll take an hour each to get us all doing something we think everyone will like and/or learn from. This hour is Rosa's - she's taken us to the flashiest Internet joint in town, where we've patiently waited to be signed up and connected: now she wants to be not bothered by us while she MSNs her mates, so I'm writing this and checking in with her every few minutes. Melissa went first, and we spent an hour going round the shops looking at game-boy games (25 quid for 235 games on one cartridge, including Mario and Pokemon and all sorts of good things) and clothes. Then, after lunch (50p each for more veggie thali than even I could possibly eat), we went off to the beautiful Lal Bagh botanical gardens in an autorickshaw for my hour - I dithered for a bit and decided that what I most wanted to do there was teach a Re-evaluation Counselling class.
The girls have been interested in learning a bit more RC for a while,and I've made some abortive attempts to teach them, or get them into someone else's class, none of which have really worked out (I haven't enjoyed teaching RC for quite a few years now). This was very good though - I was more relaxed, flexible and unhurried than I often have been; the beautiful surroundings were really nice; Heather was there, and on my side, and I could tell; but most importantly we were doing this as the-time-in-which-Mark-does-what-he-wants-to, instead of me trying to set up some perfect RC class for the girls and giving myself a hard time about the inevitable failure of this! We did a little theory, with visual aids, some appreciations of ourselves and each other, and some short two-way counselling sessions: it was fun. Then H took her hour hanging out in the gardens, watching green parrots, chipmunks and other amazing creatures, and strolling among the huge variety of trees (my favourite: the "sausage tree").
It's been a great day: a welcome change from the "path of least resistance" Heather talked about in a recent post; and very little bickering, moaning, or parental grumpiness or bossiness. Will we keep it up? Watch this space!
- Mark
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